I can't say I'm the biggest fan of this season. The way things have been commercialised gets to me somewhat. You've got every atheist and his cousin giving gifts, because it's the done thing, yet ultimately, there's no true meaning to it. Nothing anymore has anything to do with the fact that God gave us his son. It's simply about how much retailers can exploit their profit margin through a carefully planned marketing campaign.

So, to this end, I have a solution. I need to falsify documents that prove that a friend of mine is Santa. Following this, he makes a statement at a press conference that he has no further intention of handing out gifts, due to the fact that he has filed for bankruptcy, since Ossama Bin Laden flew a 747 into his toy workshop. After that, "Santa" must elect me as his official legal advisor, and subsequently, we will sue everyone that have used him as an advertising tool without his permission. And voila, we're back to square one: Christmas, a holiday where only Jesus' birth is celebrated.

Christmas would no longer be a simple commercial mockery anymore. It'd become a holiday where people give gifts because God gave us a gift. I'd be the saviour of the true spirit of Christmas. And not only that, but I'd be a rich motherfucker too.