God. I received an sms at 1 am this morning.... "I wonder which drunken female is messaging me now?", I joked to Rob, since he was there at the time.

"Try as you might you will never understand me. Other girls? Maybe - who knows? But me? NEVER. And I've never been more certain of anything in my life..." the sms read. And the tequila mindfuck quotient... well, you get the idea, I'm sure....

More than 24 hours later, what I'd said to her was still getting to her. And it wasn't even a case of me trying to understand her when we argued.... I wasn't arguing that I understood her at all. Rather, I think she's scared of me understanding her....

I've never felt like anyone has been more afraid of me in my life, and it's because of her in-built self-defense mechanisms. Her "All men are bastards." mindset, and her "I don't trust you. You're male." mindset, both cases in point... and she's been hurt way more than anyone deserves already, and is scared I'm going to be the next to hurt her. It seems like I'm already hurting her, just by being myself.... I think she doesn't understand me, and it scares her shitless....

I just want to sit down and talk to her about it, and I sms'ed her back asking if we could go for coffee this week.... She ignored me, but I'm not going to let this just slide. It needs closure, and now. She needs to stop hurting. She needs to start trusting me. And maybe she's right. Maybe one day I will hurt her, inadvertantly, but I'm human. We all make mistakes. No matter what mistakes I might make, the last thing I want to do is hurt her.

Nobody should battle with so much internal conflict simply because they're scared of trusting people, scared of letting people know that they're vulnerable.... Ironically, for only the second time in the ten months I've known her, she let me see something she doesn't want anyone to see. She let me see her weakness....