As much as I said and believe that it must be pretty obvious that a woman is interested in you if she "turns, faces you, smiles, and mouths" the lyrics to Marilyn Manson's Sweet Dreams cover, truth be told, I honestly didn't click on the night.... And let me tell you, that is something which I have down to a fine art. That, being the inate ability I possess to be absolutely fucking oblivious to any and every signal any interested party puts out regarding their feelings pertaining to me. This puzzles the living fuck out of me, since at the same time, I can also immediately tell if someone is interested in someone else, i.e. in one of my friends, and so on.

To boot, I'm not sure why, but I haven't been myself at all over the past week. If this incident had happened this week, I think I might've been a little quicker to pick up that she was interested. And this week I probably would've acted on it, whereas last week, even though I knew she was interested, (my man Rob pointed it out to me) I did nothing. Truthfully, I don't know what's different. It's almost as if I've completely devalued sentimentality. If I was in the same situation right now, I'd at the very least score her for a reasonable period of time. I doubt I'd take it to the point where I climb into bed with her, or anyone else, because I don't feel that's exactly worth it. Don't ask me why I don't. I don't know the answer to that. Essentially, if I have to analyze it, I'm feeling exactly like I did when I thought I was going insane, the only difference being I'm no longer concerned about what I get up to with any females, short of sticking things into them lest they get pregnant. This all seems rather fucked up, but it isn't stressing me much. A week ago, and it would've.


Certain things are dragging me down a bit. First of all, there's this blasted headache that I've had for about a week now which refuses to let up. Secondly, I'm having major trouble concentrating. It's not even a case of being distracted. Rather, it's a case of as soon as I concentrate for half an hour or so, I start feeling faint. And the feeling is so intense, it feels almost as if, should I be able to concentrate for long enough, I'd pass out completely. This is also the reason I'm refraining from taking headache pills. I'm thinking that the cause might be the fact that I've been taking way too many of these things lately.

And the feeling really is fucked up. I could liken it to the kind of feeling I think I'd get should I consume half a dozen shots of tequila on top of three sleeping pills. So, in a sense, I guess if I was to liken it to being hit by a metaphorical central-nervous-system-depressant truck, I wouldn't be far off the mark. I probably need to get myself checked out by a doctor, because this is ridiculous.

Women are also playing havoc with my mind. Not any in particular, mind you. It's more of a case of the whole aloneness-vs-loneliness argument. I've been alone for pretty much my entire life, but for the first time, I'm feeling lonely as well, and it really isn't very pleasant. This, coupled with the dizzy spells, is fucking me around like I cannot believe. I actually hate being human. I dislike the way my body is wired. I dislike the physical and mental imperfections I, like others, have. We really are such a fragile species. If we weren't sentient beings, I reckon we'd definitely be extinct by now.