I is been having bitches problems, which would normally be easily sorted, but unfortunately, I is not a pimp. I can't just go cap some fucker that's been messing wit' my bitches, because no fucker has been messing wit' my bitches. I don't have any bitches. Fuck, I don't even have any leet bling bling Mr T. style, so I'm somewhat ill-equipped to deal with bitches problems.

To be perfectly blunt, I had an absolutely shitty week with regard to females. At least I'm starting to mellow out a bit now, though. I basically resolved that I'm not going to bother to keep contact with one of my female friends anymore, since it's more trouble than it's worth. Her issues, her apparent intentional fucking with me, her baggage, and her inability to just fucking keep it the fuck out of the friendship has just got me livid now, to be perfectly fucking blunt. Selfishness-on-my-side apart, I feel that I could have far more meaningful friendships if I invested half the amount of time I've invested into that relationship into developing relationships with other people. Plus it'd be better for my mental state. I wouldn't go all homicidal all too often, which is obviously a good thing.

The thing is, for what it's worth, I ended up rekindling an old primary school relationship with a friend by the name of Jacqueline. In what took less than ten hours, the relationship had reached a point where I felt like I'd met my twin sister who'd been separated from me at birth. She shared so much with me, so quickly, that it astonished me. I love the prospect of a relationship like that, where I'm close to someone, yet there's no sex involved or implied. It's an amazingly beautiful relationship to have with someone. And this was developed in ten hours. So why did I waste eleven months dealing with someone else's baggage?

Although, with my luck, Jacqu fancies me, which is why the self-disclosure came so quickly. I don't need a relationship. It's too much trouble for me to handle at this point in my life. That, and she has a boyfriend in her life. With my luck, they've broken up this weekend, and I get to hear all about it this week. I'd be the emotional crutch for a breakup... and that's good, in that I'd be there to support her. But I don't want feelings to develop. Or maybe I do... I dunno. She's actually a great girl....

Another relationship that's formed recently is one of friendship between myself and another girl at Varsity, Chara. My other friend Nicole reasons that Chara likes me, which got to me somewhat, because I caught myself thinking that exact same thing a few days before she mentioned it to me. The term 'like' being used in a broad sense in my case, however. Whatever the case, I'm definitely not right for her, and I can see it from a mile away.

And the cherry on top would be my relationship with Nicole. I actually think I'm starting to fall for her. She has a somewhat blunt personality, to the extent that she'd let you know what she's thinking, but in a perfectly tactful way. She'd never hurt peoples' feelings. So at least I'd know where I stand with her, should she ever break up with the boyfriend that she's been 'wanting to break up with' for the last week. I still don't need the relationship (with respect to varsity work) though.

Not to mention she's attractive, smart, down to earth, doesn't put on airs, is honest... the list goes on. Knowing my luck, she sticks with her boyfriend. Worst case scenario, we end up friends, which isn't bad, I suppose.

The last thing I need is a relationship. I need to settle into a rhythm at Varsity. But in her case, and in Jacqueline's case, I'd actually want it with them, despite how it'd throw my life out of whack. I think there are two girls who would be worth it, in that sense. They really would be worth it, although I think it'd be best right now if Jacqui has a meaningful relationship with someone whom can give her the attention and time she deserves. Which is why I'd rather remain like in the long lost twin brother type relationship. I need a relationship like that too.

I think though, that I feel I need a relationship, to be honest. Just something fulfilling. Maybe it'll be disruptive, but if I had the chance with Jacqui or Nicole, I'd take it. It'd be well worth whatever it brings.