I'm still having problems with my concentration span. It's not something I like telling most people I know in real life about, for two reasons. Firstly, they don't quite understand it, no matter how I put it to them, and secondly, my skills of elucidation seem to have taken a beating by this whole thing. I zoned again in Applied Mathematics today after all of 15 minutes. The 'zoned' feeling feels like I'd been given gills, and thrown in a pool the size of a never-ending abyss, after having been fed large amounts of tequila and barbituates, and will only hit on certain days, after I concentrate for a reasonable period of time. (in this case 15 minutes. It lasted longer than it took to get today)

The doctor believes it's a neuro-hormonal imbalance. I hope he's right. I just want the ability to put this episode behind me, because it's made me fall so far behind in certain subjects already. Maybe if I focus on my major and pull some pretty decent marks there, I can sweet talk my way around prereqs, if I have to. I don't want to though. I know I can pass all the other subjects if my body just allows me to concentrate properly. It's actually frightening how little control we have over our lives, to be honest.... Anyway, I've been given a script. Let's see where it puts me in a week from now. It could all be over by then.

This probably sounds all somewhat gloomy, but at the end of the day, it's not me being all down and gloomy. I've resigned myself to the fact that I have no control over my body in this sense. And, not that I know many people that read this blog, but all the same, if you bring this issue up, I'm going to tell you to fuck off. I have my reasons, and they're good ones.


Maths I semester test 2 in 3 hours. *sigh* Let's hope it goes well. Let's hope the last minute studying goes well, and that my concentration span doesn't give out on me, like it did on the weekend I set aside for the purpose of this. It's not that I'm unmotivated, it's that I'm incapable. And it's not that I'm ordinarily incapable either. This shit is easy, and I know it....

Although, I'd say this has taught me without a doubt the most valuable life lesson ever. It honestly has. It's not something I'm prepared to document here. Buy me a beer and I'll happily tell you. I think that regardless of who you are, or how you may know me, you'll appreciate the way in which I've summed up my thoughts on what I've been thinking lately.

Listening to: Frank Black - Ten Percenter and Frank Black - Hang On To Your Ego

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I'm probably going to walk into that semester test blind. So, wish me luck, since I'll need it. Love you all lots, in a non-homosexual way, of course. :D (at least, everyone that I know who knows about my blog, ie my friends. I believe that you all appreciate me, in spite of my eccentricities, yet care for me anyway, and that's what true friendship is about. That's one area of life where I've been truly blessed: the friends I've been allowed to make). Peace out. May life bring you whatever you wish out of it. And may you enjoy every experience you go through, no matter how fleeting. At the end of the day, you'll grow from it, and you'll come to cherish those memories, the memories of how you grew, and why, rather than the hardships you endured in growing.

I know I do, and I've only recently come to.

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Maybe Jacqueline was right when she said everything happens for a reason.

I want to spend more time with her, because I'm starting to care for her beyond all this physical teenage infant relationship bullshit, and I truly treasure our friendship. The reason behind me wanting to spend more time with her is that I can see she's really battling, and so dearly just wants someone to open her soul up to. She can't open up to Graham, (her boyfriend), and she can't quite open up to Greig anymore either. (I think she may have a crush on him)

She's already opened up so much to me though, and it'll make my month to be that person, the one she opens up further to. I feel like she's my sister, almost.

I believe it was Lord Byron who said something along the lines of, "The greatest friendships possible will develop between different gender friends, but only if the physical should never become a factor.".