I closed a chapter of my life on Friday night. Louise and I are no longer. I've never really blogged about her to my memory, either.

Monday would have been two years. In all honesty, I feel so alone as a result of it. I feel like I did the right thing, in that I believe it's for the best that she move on, and that I have a chance to go out and experience life. We're on good terms at least, for which I'm so grateful.

There was so much wrong with our relationship, I guess, yet so much good came out of it. I went into it in a sociopathic fashion, pretty much expecting I'd never feel quite as hurt as I have, as I do, expecting it to fail, but instead it grew into one of the most cherished memories of my life. I really do love her, and I would never want to lose the bond we have. I never imagined I would feel like I do about her, ever. She is without a doubt one of the most special people to ever grace my life, to ever touch my world. I would never trade these memories for all the money in the world.

Right now, I guess there's nothing in the world I want more than for her to be blissfully happy. I'd probably feel a good deal less melancholic if I knew that was the case. As it is, I feel so stupid and immature in retrospect, but I feel I would be unfairly bitter if I wasn't to take these steps away from her. As much as I would love to be everything she needs, right now I know I can't be completely giving of myself in spite of how much I love her.

I truly love you Lou, unconditionally, with everything in me. To try describe it would feel like I was to make light of it. Nobody has ever touched my life like you did. You taught me to feel again, you taught me to be completely honest, and though it pushed you away at times, I hope you understand that it was as difficult for me as it always was for you.