And now for some random musings on life.

The only problem with lesbians: Their taste in men.

My musings on relationships: There exists a set of rules that govern relationships. Rules of engagement, if you will. A list of the rules follows:

1. A relationship is entered into with both parties subconciously viewing it as symbiotic. To put it bluntly, if you don't have something to offer a woman, or if they don't perceive you as being able to give them something they're interested in, then you have absolutely zero chance.

2. The things that appeal to 98% of women are: bling-bling, confidence, novelty, sex... in no particular order.

3. On the topic of bling-bling: Flash money in a manner that suggests you have tons of it to throw away.

4. On the topic of confidence: Self-explanatory.

5. On the topic of novelty: Why do you think guys that belong to biker gangs get chicks? Their sparkling intellect? Or perhaps their conversation skills? Not actually....

6. On the topic of sex: They want teh_hot_steaming_cokc!!!

Ultimately, you need to play by these rules. They hold true for the majority of the human population as well, hence, play by these rules. Or don't... and pray you meet someone else that thinks they're bullshit, and refuses to play by them. Good luck in that.

One last thought for the day: When last were you asked if you were gay?

On Friday night, during an intense pondering session, my mind inadvertantly stumbled upon a rule that holds true for 90% of guys.

I went to an afterparty on Friday. Before that, I'd been at a friend's 21st. The afterparty was held in Recess, which is a club in Pretoria. It was somewhat of a different experience, going clubbing in a dress shirt with some rather odd shoes I'd borrowed from my dad. Ah well, at least I wasn't alone. A couple of my buddies were still in their formal outfits as well, so at least we had the solidarity thing going.

What I realised at Recess, though, is that there wasn't a shortage of attractive females. But I caught myself just giving them the once over, thinking "Skank." to myself. Ironically, there were a good number of them that were physically attractive, but for some reason, I found myself put off them. Don't ask me why.

In particular though, there was one that broke out of my skankiness mould. She was wearing what could easily be called Fuck-Me® clothing. She looked like she was out to get laid. And everyone knows that old cliché, "Don't judge someone by their appearance."

Well, it's quite easy to judge people on appearances, and 95% of the time, you'd be right, but this chick made me realize that I'm too quick to judge people based on their appearances. She looked like a skank, but it seemed to me that she wasn't out to get laid. Be that the case, or not, it just made me realise that I too, have been mistakenly judged on my appearance, and that I should attempt to refrain from judging people too quickly on looks alone.

I also realised something else during the drive back to my mate's house. He thought it quite profound. Personally, I just think it's pretty much universally applicable.

In short, when you're at a club, chances are good you'll have some alcohol. And I feel I could sum up the effect of alcohol on 95% of the world's male population in two sentences: When you're sober, all the females in the club you're in at that specific moment are skanks.... When you're drunk, they're just misunderstood.

Don't fall into that trap. If she'll cheat on her boyfriend with you, she might be misunderstood, but if you tell me she isn't skanky, I'll have to smack you one.

:)

Peace.

Disclaimer: I'm not condemning people who've slept with someone because it felt right. And with that out of the way....

We've all seen it. That perception. You know, the one that denotes that you're not a man until you've fucked someone. It's amazing how defensive people can become when the topic shifts to virginity. It's almost as if there's a universal law of physics that denotes that virginity and pride cannot coexist.

So where then, does that leave a person that has exercised turned down sex simply because the time and situation didn't feel right? I think I'll hazard a guess: I'm guessing that he's less of a man for exercising self-control than someone who submitted to sex simply because the opportunity arose?

The perceptions the world has of people, due to circumstantial experiences, are pretty pathetic indeed.

I came to the realization today that my life could be likened to a lottery of sorts.

I'm a person's standard choice of numbers. I remain me, no matter what. Yet, you never know what you'll get with me, from week to week. I don't even know. It just remains to be seen what the results are, each and every week, based on the numbers life hands me.

In short, I can feel that my personality is changing, and I don't know what the end result will be. Basically, I feel as if I'm waiting to see the result, much as one would wait on their lottery numbers.

I've just woken up from my short nap. I took it 11 hours back. Bleh.

The mood I've been in lately has been somewhat strange. I'm a little irritated at being back in South Africa. Basically, those little things that happen every day that you've learnt to ignore, simply because they happen so frequently, just don't happen in Seoul. And now I've got to come back here and face all of it once again.

I guess I truly am spot on in saying that there's almost nothing keeping me in this country. There isn't much for me here, save a warm climate, and a couple of friends and loved ones. Apart from obviously not seeing them as much as I'd like to anymore, there's absolutely zero keeping me here.



And now, to go off on a tangent, I think I should ask Andrea (from varsity, not from the bakery) or Janine (also from varsity) out. I guess it'll be circumstantial. I don't have either of their numbers. So I guess it'll be a case of whatever happens first, in which case it'll probably be Andrea, because I'll see her at Vicky's 21st on Friday.

Wish me luck.

It's my last day in Korea. I'm sitting at the airport, with 5 hours until I can check in for my flight. The fact that I'm leaving is kind of sad, really, seeing as I've felt more at home here than I do back home. The people here have been really good to me. Never before have I felt as welcome as I have in the time I've been here.

I've learnt a couple of lessons about life though. People are the same wherever you go, regardless of the language they speak, their race, their beliefs, their ambitions, their goals....

I came to this realization after one of the volunteer interpreters flirted with not only me and Anton, but obviously any guy she found remotely interesting... not to mention one of the females dumped her fiance after meeting a mate of mine. Skankiness is....

The French female CS team was also here, for an exhibition match. A bigger bunch of skanks, I've never seen. At one point during the one evening, one of them was roaming the corridors of the hotel in a drunken state, and just latched on to one of the Russian UT players, and pulled into him. Now, before you make any judgements, let me state for the record that a couple of days after that incident, I found out the age of the French female CS team. The majority of them, were 15.... These are female French gamer chicks, at the age of fifteen.

I'd hate to see the French chicks that embrace clubbing, rather than gaming.... Fucking skanks. That whole "The French are great lovers." cliche is pathetic. They're not great lovers. They're just a nation of people that love to fuck a lot, and that cliche is their excuse. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Disgusting.

3:36 am. I've just woken up. Another one of those nights, obviously. The sad thing is, I popped half a sleeping pill, and it didn't help me much, clearly.

I guess it's sinking in. There are return plane tickets to Seoul sitting right here on my desk. The only obvious conclusion, is that I am going to Korea. How fucking awesome is that? I'm looking forward to the break it's going to give me. I'm also looking forward to getting the opportunity to play against some of the best Unreal Tournament 2003 players across the world. Should I win, should I lose, nothing will rob me of the fact that I ended up going to South Korea for what is my hobby. How cool is that?

If I had to be dead straight about what's keeping me up, I'd say it's Vicky. My mind is racing. It is so clear to me, as I sit here in this chair, that I still have feelings for her. The weird thing is, I've always considered her out of my league, but it seems like she's interested in me... at least, to me, it does....

To basically sum it up, I'd need to tell the tale from last week Thursday, before I went through to Anton's 21st. Now, Vicky is one of those people that believe that all men are bastards, or at least would like you to believe that they think that. I decided to try and prove to her that women are exactly the same, so I told her the story of Andrea, and the story of the chick at The Doors that pulled into me, thus effectively cheating on her boyfriend.

She laughed at the bubblebath sms I quoted her. She vowed to do the same the next morning when she took a bubblebath. That grated me a touch. I'm not a fan of being made fun of when it comes to relationships. I left it though. As I've said, she was friendlier the next morning than she'd been in 5 months. She did send me that sms, though, which I replied to, with a reply that imho had ever so slight connotations.

I thought nothing of her friendliness then, when she hugged me in front of other people, for what was the first time in months... when she put her head on my shoulder in our lecture....(Yes, I'm the guy that didn't notice a gay dude hitting on him until 4 hours thereafter. I'm the dude that didn't click about the cute waitress winking at him until the next morning.) So obviously... I thought nothing of it.

That Monday, on IRC, she said a few things that made me wonder. Firstly, she'd been trying to get ahold of me on my cell number over the course of the weekend. (It had been stolen on Friday, hence, obviously, nobody was getting ahold of me.) I explained the situation to her. She seemed a little upset at the fact that she couldn't phone me. I replied by saying "Well, should we organise coffee for Thursday, seeing as you want to see me, and then you don't have to stress about trying to get ahold of me again before the time?" She replied by saying that she'd just wanted to chat to me. This was a first. She never called... she just never wanted to chat to me....

She also said she'd wash her hair, in a bubblebath, for me, for Thursday. (I arrived there today, her hair still wet...) And when I told her I wanted to get my old phone number back, she told me not to. She reasoned that then bubblebath girl (You've seen the sms quoted in an earlier post) would not have my phone number, and I could be more selective about who I give it out to. Felt like jealousy, to be dead honest.

So, to summarise, her attitude had seemingly taken a 180. There was also the fact that she'd been apparently pondering the fact that I hadn't hugged her at Anton's 21st, three days later, which she mentioned to a mutual friend of mine. As if she'd ever have been concerned before? Total 180, in my books....

Well, yesterday, we went for coffee. As I mentioned, I noticed the washed hair, blah blah blah. That could mean anything, or nothing.

Anyway, she asked me where I was keen on going for coffee. I named a mall, and suggested walking around there until something grabbed my eye. We left her place, and went to a local mall, Cresta. Ultimately, I ended up choosing a coffee shop.

"Table for two, non-smoking?" the waiter asked. I nodded my head.

So, basically, we got shown to a weird table. It was part booth, and part normal table, with chairs. Vicky chose to sit at the end of the booth, so, to make sure I could face her, for conversation's sake, I sat down on the other end of the booth stool.

What I heard next blew me out the water. I was absolutely 100% sure I was hallucinating, at the time....

So I asked her to please repeat what she said. There was a slight silence, followed by her changing the topic. I sort of deflected the topic change, and asked her again. Her words to me, "Why do you have to sit so far away?"

Now, to be honest, I can think of two possible reasons for her saying that. Either she's feeling insecure, and cannot figure out why I apparently am not showing attraction for her, when plenty of other guys are... or she's genuinely interested in me, for me....

I've resolved to confront her about it today. My emotions have been fucked around with in a big way since I met her. I told her how I felt at one stage. I also told her that because she was involved, I would make an effort to be a platonic friend, for the sake of making her life easy. She knows I have/had feelings for her. And for crying out loud, you do not say something like she said to me to someone you consider a platonic friend, if you don't want them to read into it. Add that to the fact that she knows that I definitely did at one stage like her.

Basically, to sum it all up, I'm either climbing onto the plane tomorrow in the happiest mood of my life, or in the angriest mood of my life. We'll either have resolved to do something about what appears to be mutual feelings, or I'll have told her to get bent, because she's callously messing with my feelings. (a far cry from gender stereotypes, eh? A guy telling a female to butt out of his life because she's toying with his feelings)

If these feelings that I finally managed to suppress can be brought back into play in less than the space of a week through her actions, and she ends up wanting to remain platonic friends, I will throw my toys out the cot. I don't even want to know what I'll do. Best case scenario, she'll be the last person I want to see for the next I don't know how long.

I guess however you look at it, things are going to change... and they will never be the same....

This is just one of those nights, I guess. One of those nights, where, no matter what you do, you're not getting any sleep, unless you pop a sleeping pill, which wrecks you the following day. What would life be without irony?

You all know what I'm talking about, because I'm sure you've all been through it. You've just set your head down upon your pillow, and for some inexplicable reason, your mind starts racing. And when I say racing, I'm talking about it seemingly acting out of its own free will. Like I said, I'm sure you've been there.

Well, I leave for Korea in +-60 hours, which is cool. It makes me think back to when I used to go out to my dad's place on the Vaal Dam. That was my place I went to when I needed some time out, some time to myself. Well, Korea is going to be some time out, some Karl time. I can't wait. If I had my way, I'd be there for longer than 9 days. Hell, I'd probably stay there until I grew tired of it, given half a chance.

Listening to: Coldplay - A Rush Of Blood To The Head

Lately, I've been thinking... about how I'd gladly change the title of this blog to "Escapism: Sanity's refuge, I believe?", if the world only gave me sufficient opportunity to do so.

Right now, I'll resign myself to the fact that I'm not going to get much sleep tonight.

The determined scholar and the man of virtue will not seek to live at the expense of injuring their virtue. They will even sacrifice their lives to preserve their virtue complete. - Confucious

This is my favourite quote. I tend to dwell on it far too often.

Listening to: Jimi Hendrix - Castles Made Of Sand

'night all.

Mental note to self: It is not advisable to attempt to outdrink Glenn, my 26 year old (Welsh, I believe) mate, on his birthday. This is especially true when his body mass is at least 120% of mine. Rest assured, I shall never make that mistake again.

Clubs and the excessive consumption of alcohol do not mix. I shall never forget last night. I believe it was Rob that pointed out that the 30 year old I was attempting to chat up was more than a decade older than me. I had a good laugh at that. That was also the first time in my life I've tried chatting up someone more than a decade older than me. Not that she wasn't attractive, though. Alcohol is certainly scary though.

Ah well, at least she took it as a compliment. I remember her smiling....

Listening to: KoRn - Freak On A Leash
And now for an uninspired, yet in my opinion incredibly appropriate, lyric quotation:

Feeling like a freak on a leash...

Thursday evening saw me going to a mate's 21st birthday party. The venue rocked: It was held at a sushi restaurant in Parkhurst. I must also say, the people he invited were all awesome people, so the event ended up rocking, because of the atmosphere that was collectively created by everyone there.

Oddly enough though, my faith in humanity took a reasonable beating. Someone I had feelings for once, ended up getting tipsy, and flirting (the harmless kind, I guess, but it still isn't entirely harmless) with pretty much every guy that was there. (I guess those feelings I had still are actually there. A few of my mates who've heard me rant on while I'm drunk would testify to this)

Now, there's ordinarily nothing wrong with this, but she normally tends to eschew drinking. I just don't get it.

The point I'm getting to is this, though: I've never been anything but respectful towards her. I guess I feel I could say that I've been Mr. Nice Guy. Anyhow, I got onto the subject of facades with a mate of mine, and she happened to sit down next to me, and take a keen interest in what we were discussing.

I said to my mate that putting on a facade embodying self-confidence that doesn't truly exist, for all intents and purposes, could only be beneficial, and that I'd been trying to do that, to sort of make life slightly easier for myself. At this point, my drunk female friend made a statement to the effect of "I haven't noticed anything. You've only been exciting once, and that was when you were miffed at me that one time, remember?"

I was somewhat dumbstruck at her statement. Yes, she did use the word "exciting", and it grated me in a big way. Of all the people I know, I would've thought she'd at least appreciate someone who shows her respect. Instead, it seems as if the respect is taken for granted. What is it with that?

Does she, and the majority of females, enjoy the friction caused by arguing? What about the uncertainty caused by it? Do they enjoy that? Any idiot with a 3-digit IQ could push that button intentionally, so I'd love to truly know the answer to that question.

I've yet to meet a female that I feel would truly want to go out with me for me, as opposed to wanting to go out with me for some stupid misconception, or for physical reasons.

At least she was the friendliest she's been towards me in five months the following morning. I was going to bring up the "exciting" statement over coffee, before one of her friends walked into the coffee shop we were in, and joined us. Not a prime moment to possibly start an argument. Guess I'll keep it in mind.

I think I know the answer to the question of women enjoying friction and uncertainty, but I don't think I want to accept it.

I got to asking myself exactly what kind of emotions sex does end up creating in someone, if any? Some people view sex as a declaration of love, a show of trust, but they're in the minority.

One of my friends made a statement that stuck in my mind today. Something about out of his approximately 20 relationships, only one of the females waited for longer than a week for sex.

If you're thinking that perhaps that female takes a slightly more sentimental view of sex, you'd be right. She waited an entire two weeks.

I'm going to relate a theory someone I know quite well once told me: There are two worlds. The "relative world", the world as you yourself perceive it, and the "real" world, the world as it really is.

In my little relative world, people are sentimental, hopelessly romantic, somewhat old-fashioned, and actually view the act of intercourse as "making love", as opposed to "fucking". In the real world, people are skanky, sleep around, have numerous sex partners, and just plain don't give a fuck about who they fuck. Lately though, my world has become far more real, as I'm realizing the true nature of people.

If I had one wish, it'd be to truly live in a world that's the same as how my little world used to be.