Life really is all about social perception. People tend to base their views of you almost entirely upon the way you present yourself to the rest of the world. Something I've come to realise is that you are, to most everyone you'll ever know, the facade you choose to display rather than the person you really are underneath that facade. Most people will never see beyond the facade you put up, and it's rather sad actually.

Truth be told, I've been amazed by the misconceptions people have had of me simply because of the way I carry myself socially. If you carry yourself with confidence, and you're slightly successful in a certain sense, some people tend to automatically assume that you're far more successful than you really are.

For the past few weeks, everything has felt weirdly surreal. Nothing seems quite real, really. For as long as I can recall, I've been feeling this rather odd sensation which I can't really describe, save to say it feels somewhat like nothing I perceive is the way I'd expect to perceive it.

It all feels rather odd. My thoughts feel almost artificial, as if they're only filtering through my mind for processing, rather than being conceived in my mind. Nothing seems right. Everything seems out of place. The only true certainty in my life is change. And the change seems to go hand-in-hand with what I'd say feels like a sort of disbelief upon perception thereof.

I feel as if I could use a total change of scenery. Life is becoming far too mundane for my liking. While I resolved to dedicate myself to bettering myself in certain ways, I know I'm going to need to counter-balance that dedication with something to de-stress myself. The question is, what's going to do the trick in that regard?

If I think about it, I guess I could say I'm envious of Rob in that he had an awesome month long break in Scotland. Something like that sounds idyllic right now. Just the idea of getting away from everything and everyone sounds so good, I'd jump on any opportunity to do so in a second.

It never ceases to amaze me how much of a drain people can be on you. I've had countless people tell me to get a certain someone out of my life. "Get V out of your life, for crying out loud!", they would say. And the reasons they would cite were that she stresses me out, that she has issues, that she's a drain on me, etc, etc....

So then, isn't it ironic then that A has a tendency to stress me out more than V, especially considering A was also one of the people to tell me to get V out of my life? The two are really very similar, to be honest, except that the one has a tendency to stress me more. So should I apply her advice on Vicky to her? She doesn't want that. I think I see through it now, after I slept on it. It makes more sense.

Sometimes I find myself wishing I was an asshole, so that all this would just go the fuck away.

To be honest, if I have to think about the one thing in this world that always holds my interest, I would have to say that it is, without a doubt, human nature. We're all driven by certain things. Certain things motivate us to act in certain ways, and somehow, in spite of the sheer number of human beings alive at this very point, we all happen to be unique on some level. Underneath our exteriors, we're all unique in personality and motives, and given that there are over six billion of us, I find that completely fascinating. And we all have our unique little masks.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what shaped you as a person? Can you think of any particular events which stand out in your mind as having molded you into who you are today? Do you let people see who you are, or do you put up a facade? Would you even be able to define yourself as a person?

I know I personally can't define myself to the extent that I'd be happy with the description I come up with. Perhaps it's that I'd like to believe that I'm far too complex an individual to simply summarize myself in words, but I know that isn't the case. There actually isn't any aspect of personality that I can't put into words. Maybe it's the fact that I don't truly feel I have any major goals or aspirations in my life that leaves me unwilling to even attempt to summarize the person I am in a few hundred words of text. Whatever the case, it hardly matters.

The idea that sparked this, though, is that I've noticed of late that I've become somewhat guarded. Upon meeting people lately, I tend to analyze them, categorize them, and then proceed to only let them see personality traits of mine that I think they'd identify with or respect. So, if anyone you meet thinks I'm shy, I either met them more than a year ago, or I simply couldn't categorize them quickly.

I'd venture to say this guardedness is good, though. If people can identify with me, and vice versa, then I can come to appreciate common traits we share... traits that I personally perceive to be good ones they possess. It also allows me to be open with them to a fair degree, yet still guard the person I truly am, which is good, if you ask me. So, while I am masking what really makes me tick, I still show off aspects of my personality that I believe certain people can identify with.

And surely it's better to mask yourself in that sense, rather than put on a false facade?